Gift guide (but it's not what you think)
No. 53
Seriously, don’t give a gift just to give a gift. In my family, we are very pragmatic about gift giving: we have a list, we send it to each other to ensure we get something we want, and that is just about that. It always has been, and always will be in the Baer family. Some may argue that this removes all of the fun from the holiday season, but in our case, we feel everyone walks away with exactly what they want and need.
This isn’t to say I don’t respect (or participate in!) creative gift giving, which I consider myself exceptionally good at. Creative gift giving is FUN, it’s personal, it has the potential to make someone feel very loved. It means that pragmatism, in today’s world, is a guiding principle of gift giving: what good is a gift if the receiver doesn’t enjoy or use it?
I understand the urge to be creative and thoughtful, but the thought only counts so far when come the end of the holiday season, you have a drawer full of items that you don’t need, don’t particularly want, and can’t return. And yet, this is how so many people feel at the end of the holiday season: spent (financially, physically from all of the travel, mentally), and perhaps with not so many new wonderful things, but many new things that now need a home. My recommendation is not to ask your friends and family for a list (or, to send a list their way) - unless of course you want to. My recommendation is to become a better gift giver so that your friends and family actually, truly love and use the gifts you give them.
In the spirit of becoming a better gift giver, this gift guide will be a directive on HOW exactly you can improve your gift-giving skills, along with a small, obligatory, traditional gift list with some of my favorite items this season.
Many people believe that great gift giving is a gift (lol) that some people are simply born with. I would argue that it is a distinct, acquirable set of skills that anyone who cares enough can master. Giving great gifts comes down to four core principles:
Listening
Timing
Aiming for want
Thinking outside the box
Listening
Believe it or not, people tend to talk about things they love and the things they want with some regularity. Whether you’re shopping downtown and a friend points out a particularly enchanting scent, your sister admiring a specific element of a strangers outfit, discussing an upcoming trip and all that is required to make it go smoothly, or reorganizing a friends living room together, there is always an opportunity to latch on to something they have their eye on. Whether its a color that they have been loving lately, a fishing trip that requires a gear refresh, or an event they want to attend, there are endless possibilities to take that extra moment to make a note on your phone. You’d be surprised how wonderful it can make someone feel, to feel heard. Years back, a dear friend bought me the perfect large straw tote bag - she knew I collected straw bags (I certainly talk about it enough) but hadn’t seen any in my rotation that was large enough for a local beach day. My sister in law heard how much I had been loving silk scarves lately and purchased me a beautiful, brightly colored one from a local designer.
Timing
Don’t procrastinate, seriously. Especially around the holidays we seem to get inundated with the same gift guides that recommend a tiny fancy little mirror (? I love small beautiful things but seriously? Who needs this?), the same pair of Uggs everyone gets (why has this been a thing for 20+ years……), etc, you get the picture. The more time you give yourself to let an idea breathe, the better. The second I press “publish” on this articles I have so many better ideas I could have explored, that’s just the magic of sleeping on it. This means you could, in theory, as I have done many times over, have your holiday shopping done months in advance. I found a new swimwear brand on my birthday, when my husband so kindly sent me to the Four Seasons Boston for a massage and I noticed some fabulous pieces for him. Two months later, he had two suits by the new brand. This tip goes hand in hand with listening: the more time you give yourself to listen to friends and to participate in your own life while thinking proactively about gifts, the more likely you are to pick up something special, somewhere special, that you otherwise would have walked right by. As a bonus, it’s a wonderful way to bring the thought of your loved ones along with you for little adventures.
Aim for want
A great gift is often something someone wants, or didn’t really know they wanted, but does not, necessarily, need. The danger with purchasing a loved one something they need is that a. they may have already purchased one for themselves b. they may have their eye on a specific version / brand / type c. it can feel like more of a utility than a gift. As you know (see: above), I have no problem with pragmatism, in fact, I celebrate it, but there is a line to be toed. There are some general categories that, especially if done tastefully (and expensively) can fall into this set: a beautiful cashmere shawl, a small item for the home like this candy dish, a travel brush in a sugar sweet color, or one of these adorable and practical phone chargers.
Thinking outside the box
When I say experience, your mind goes to “spa day” or “pilates gift card” or maybe even “year-long flower delivery service” but this category can go much, much further and wider (though these are all fabulous ideas). Think: a CSA membership nearby for your friend in a big city, a large pack of Cann for the friend who gets a bit stressed spending time with their family, a new backpack for someone trekking through Patagonia this winter (not me, or anything…), a gift card to a new restaurant to give your stressed out founder friend a much-needed date night with their partner. Maybe you have a friend who is getting married, wouldn’t they love if you arranged and paid for an appointment at that terribly out of reach bridal salon in town? I love the events that Usal Project puts together, or foraging with Fork in the Path, or a gorgeous dinner for two at Outstanding in the Field, maybe an early morning sauna & cold plunge at Fjord, or maybe you can take a look at Third Place and see what events around town seem like fun. An experience (or consumable) will always be used, appreciated, and at the absolute least, can get someone out of their routine during the cold winter months - don’t we all need that?!
With no further ado, and please, please, take these recommendations with a grain of salt (a wonderful comb is not so wonderful for a bald man), some lovely items to spark your creatively for the holiday season.
A collection of Elif Shafak’s books on Kindle - for your friend going to Turkey this spring, who loves history, or just a great read.
A Kate McLeod moisturizing bar for your friend who spends winter in the high desert.
Marble weights for the friend who actually uses their home gym, but doesn’t like it to look so 24-hour fitness.
As a brooch lover I may be biased, but nothing is more luxurious than a weighty statement brooch to be worn over sweaters and button downs.
A brow hydration kit from FlyBrow - since Suzie is the only person I let touch my brows (and I hear I have pretty good brows), get this for the girl in your life who wants to give her brows a little TLC during the drier winter months.
Pants that can take you from the airport to a holiday dinner.
Flamingo Estate olive oil because anyone who spends any meaningful amount of time in the kitchen knows how a fragrant, fresh oil can transform a dish.
I don’t love the idea of buying other people new daily skincare generally, the one exception being a travel set (this one from Elemis) - perfect to test out new items (with the added bonus of avoiding squeezing their creams into smaller tins for holiday travel).
When in doubt, see what inspires you in person. If you’re local to the Bay, join me at the Marche Market where I’ll be picking up some gifts while supporting local brands!
Hope this prevents any bad ideas xoxo