How we come back to ourselves through friction

New skincare routine (Olya-approved!), some beautiful items, & what I'm wearing in April

March is over somehow, and the rest of the year promises more adventure, less free time, and a string of exciting events. This month I’m caught between savoring every quiet moment at home and preparing for a non-stop quarter of travel - I’m home less than half the time between now and July (no full week at home until mid-June….yikes), with a full renovation slate and numerous projects to manage in between. It’s easy in moments like these to fall into bad habits: too much time on social media and not enough moving my body, impulse spending, a reading list I fall behind on, a lazy skincare routine, not enough time to write (that’s as much of an apology as you guys are getting).

I’ve spent the last 10 days working 15 hour days and when I got on the plane to come home, I realized what I wanted to do the most, more than reading and watching television and taking a nap, is to feel connected to myself through writing here. Self care culture tells us it’s okay to indulge and consume and retreat into ourselves, nay, that we can’t recharge without it. But I dare ask: do we ever actually get what we want when we do? Perhaps our best defense in moments of overwhelm are more ingrained than we may think: writing to you, clarifying my own beliefs, creating beautiful things - these may not sound like the most efficient methods of relaxation, but, I would argue, they are the most important methods we can choose. The way to energize myself when I can’t fathom squeezing one last drop out of myself isn’t the obvious thing, but the hard one.

What makes me happy, and what feels sorely lacking in a world of lubricated ease, is friction. Choosing an action by doing it means inherently choosing not to do something else. There was a world not so long ago where these were very real tradeoffs we had to make: do you build one life, or another?

We’ve become so used to being able to do it all with ease: we have every recipe at our fingertips and AI that will help us get all of the ingredients without going to the store, have an armory of spa-grade lotions and elixirs in our home bathrooms. Now, more than ever, we have to choose a life of friction, instead of fighting for one without it. But friction is what makes life worth living, what makes a decision hold weight. When we don’t audit our actions because taking action is so easy, we never ask ourselves “did that make me happy? Do I know what makes me happy?” We end up with a skincare routine that takes too long and a closet full of clothes for a life we haven't chosen instead of the harder thing: choosing a relationship with someone who challenges you, or tapping into your creativity by failing and failing again. This is what is at risk for us - to lose our humanity through losing choice. We must choose the things we want deliberately, feeling the weight of the choice, and the weight of not having made another.

I heard a piece of advice recently that I want to pass along to you, dear reader: downgrade one thing every day. Wear the plain outfit, choose the simple meal. Remember that life isn’t about chasing dopamine or optimizing every tiny detail for a perfectly curated life. Remember that the world is muddy and we sweat and bleed and feel because we, as much as we find ourselves losing our traction and falling into the vortex are not, in fact, artificial but real - and real humans need creativity as a counterweight to overwhelm, not more to consume. We don’t necessarily even need to do, but it is vital that we try. The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. When we live in a world free of friction, we live in both a loveless and hateless world. We live in a world no longer for us.

A note on skincare

I receive a steady stream of packages from skincare brands, and I’ve been working with my esthetician to give each one a proper trial before reviewing. Cohort 1 is ready to share now that I’ve had a solid routine in place for the past month.

The current routine includes ExoGlow serum, Oak Firming Peptide Serum, Ursa Major moisturizer, Oak Ritual Oil, U Beauty Resurfacing Compound, U Beauty Sculpt Neck Concentrate (yes, you get 20% off with ELLIEH20), and Good Weather Skin glow sunscreen. I couldn’t be happier with the results: even tone, texture that stays constant throughout the entire day, and far fewer days with anything tinted on my face.

I’ve been using the Banana buffing bar as I’ve been shuttling between warm and cool weather, dry and humid climates, and planes, trains, and automobiles. It is absolutely worth the hype and I find myself reaching for moisturizer less. I recently got turned on to Olaplex and have been religiously using their shampoo, conditioner, and oil (I was late to the Olaplex party but will be staying a while).

Future Society may have made one of my favorite new perfumes (if you know me, you know a scent recommendation means a lot), which I have on rotation with ffern (I’m still on the winter release and like it better than the summer) and the perfume I made myself in Seoul.

Dana Rebecca sent me the diamond ring I had been dreaming of for my ring finger stack. The perfect hint of sparkle without the heavy metal (my wedding band, as you can see, does enough of that heavy lifting by itself). This extra sparkle just sealed the deal for me.

Speaking of jewelry, I added some sparkle to my stack courtesy of Bauble Bar (the perfect tennis necklace during two bathroom renovations pricing wise).

I’ve been testing out the Vivrelle membership this month and love the variety of bags for my insane travel schedule. Its very easy for me to default to buying a new bag when I feel the itch, and Vivrelle allows me to test things out before committing (since I am often quick to commit but end up with a designer bag graveyard). You can use ELLIEHARDING for your first month free if you want to join me ;)

What I’m wearing in April

Frame shorts, Favorite Daughter cropped trench, Margaux flats, Row bag

Nothing Written tee shirt, Favorite Daughter coat (similar), Mango jeans, Mango heels, Shannon Bond necklace, as belt

Malbon knit blouse, Doen skirt, Manolo Blahnik heels

Favorite Daughter jumpsuit, Mango heels, Shannon Bond necklace, as belt

Reiss blouse, Frame shorts, Reformation heels

What I want to try & buy next

Is this not just the sweetest little spring dress you’ve ever seen?

It’s not just because Jeju is on the top of my bucket list

I may be high-tailing it over to the East Bay for this when I’m back home

Ok fine, this is just because the bottle is cute (you know I’ll always tell you if I like something for silly reasons)

A perfect straw bag for my very large collection of perfect straw bags

And best for last - my lovely friend Bonnie showed me this stunning atelier with the most sumptuous French (yet leaning more craftsman-inspired / adjacent to me with some of their use of parchment glass) light fixtures. And yes, I have already used these in a project.

Until next time xoxo