I don’t go out much in New York anymore, but when I do, I nearly never know what to wear. My friends don sky-high, sculptural heels, innovative bodysuits, Khaite jeans, or clingy dresses. They look feminine and sultry and purely enchanting. I consider myself feminine (maybe not sultry or enchanting) - but yet found myself reaching for an oversized vintage tee shirt, a mini skirt, and buckled Manolo mules. It felt discreetly different than how I usually dress, and it got me wondering.
As many of you know, I am a huge proponent of the three words method popularized by the fantastic Allison Bornstein. It forces us to reckon with who we want to be in a way that transcends personal style: if the potency our message is diffused too broadly, does it even communicate the truth effectively? Though we are multidimensional beings, there’s a value to the “elevator pitch” when it comes to things even as personal as style: with unlimited funds, maybe you have the flexibility to buy whatever you want, showcasing yourself with as many angles as a prism. But even then - who wants to spend 45 minutes rooting around their closet in the morning because you can’t find something that fits with the jacket you want to wear?
Distilling our essence to three words allows us to collect forever items in a more cohesive way, and in many ways too, perhaps settle ourselves into a comfortable box of our own expectations of ourselves.
But what happens when three words aren’t enough?
For some, that isn’t the case: the cowboy wears denim and boots by the beach, in the city, on his trip to Mongolia. The minimalist sticks to a modern palette of black and white and sculptural shapes.
But for some of us, some of YOU, and certainly me, we may feel that our lifestyle requires more of us, or our preferences differ based on the space we inhabit.
I’ve run my three words a few times over a number of years, and always end up, generally, somewhere around playful, classic, and polished. I prefer well-fitting items, abhor anything tight, sloppy, or trendy, and always lean classic versus modern. But this isn’t always the case, is it?
Back to NYC nightlife Ellie: she is masculine, she’s western, she’s classic. And this is a genuinely important part of my style DNA: I feel much less at home in something too polished or feminine at night, in the same way that something too loose during the daytime feels sloppy to me.
My vacation self exposes a whole new side of self - she’s sculptural, vintage, and elegant. I spend a good amount of my time outside of cities (whether I’m in the mountains, traveling to Europe, or in a beachside town), so wouldn’t it be limiting to stick to solely my main three words?
If you find yourself hamstrung by the limitations imposed by fitting your whole multidimensional self into three words, consider thinking about where you spend the bulk of your time, and how you want to feel in those moments. I find that what makes me happy on vacation is very different than what makes me feel comfortable in the city I live in. Expanding to include these additional dimensions of self, while limiting them to their specific space in my world, was both freeing and illuminating for me.
What does this look like in action?
A classic Ellie outfit looks something like
Gucci jacket
Anna October skirt
Bottega Veneta sunglasses
Celine bag
It’s all very feminine, fitted, sophisticated and timeless. Everything has girly, cheeky details: from the horse bit closure on the jacket, to the embroidery on the skirt, to the shape and color of the bag. The sunglasses are a classic pattern but a very feminine shape.
…but a nighttime look is more likely to include
Bode jacket
Veronica Beard jeans
Cult Gaia heels
Here, the focus is on an oversized, funky western jacket and some fun denim to balance the visual weight of the jacket. The whole look reads much funkier and more casual and cowboy-inspired than the original look.
When I finally get away from it all? You can find me wearing
Jonathan Simkhai cape dress
Bottega Veneta heels or
Roberto Cavalli heels
Loewe sunglasses
POOLSIDE shell clutch
In many ways, vacation Ellie is the truest form of self. My hunch is that this probably rings true for most of you: without the impositions of work, weather, and practicality imposed, we are free to express ourselves in the purest way. The fabrics? Draping and elegant. The accessories? Sculptural, representative, and textural. God I wish I were on vacation right now.
Question for you -
Once you’ve had a chance to run this exercise, I’m curious whether your words were consistent between the different parts of your life. Was there overlap? Some? None? I’d love to hear from you! xoxo